The world plays perfectly staged.
She jogs past
The man in the tux gives you a smile
"hello" PSSssT! "Hello?"
Red shirt
Forever thirteen steps ... behind
She talks to a friend
Plastics to ear
..She remains six paces
Ahead
..Of the game
4.8.09
29.7.09
Again.
Stop now.
Fall not for those eyes.
Again.
Long not for those lips.
Again.
Dream not of that voice.
Again.
Stop now.
Gaze not upon that brow.
Again.
Inhale not that sweet scent.
Again.
Yearn not for those strong arms around you.
Again.
Again..
Again...
But you can't stop.
You shall.
Again.
Forever.
For it is too late to stop now.
Connected to your heart are all these.
An empty shell you shall be.
If you try to banish these...Again
Your heart will cease to be.
Again.
Fall not for those eyes.
Again.
Long not for those lips.
Again.
Dream not of that voice.
Again.
Stop now.
Gaze not upon that brow.
Again.
Inhale not that sweet scent.
Again.
Yearn not for those strong arms around you.
Again.
Again..
Again...
But you can't stop.
You shall.
Again.
Forever.
For it is too late to stop now.
Connected to your heart are all these.
An empty shell you shall be.
If you try to banish these...Again
Your heart will cease to be.
Again.
27.7.09
A Cool Girl (haha)
So tonight I went to Kelseys with Manders :)
When she asked me, for like a quarter of a second, I was hesitant. This is just my lazy ass self not wanting to leave my house. I'm always complaining I don't go anywhere, have nothing to do, then when something presents itself I say no. So I ignored the hesitation and went. I like saying yes to Amandas plans for a few reasons...: One: She always says yes to me. Two: No matter where we go its just a fun, chill time. None of this pretensious 'lets imitate the was people on tv go out' bullshit. We just ARE. Not trying to be, which is cool. She always kinda remind sme who I am and that sometimes it okay to just relax and reflect.
You know, sometimes it's good to just talk about yourself? Yaya, I know it seems concieted or whatever, be you just gotta do it! You have to talk about yourself aloud or else you may forget who you are...right? Ya, well thats what I think.
Anyways, so we went to kelseys and got some Coronas and desert. TOday corona didn't taste so much like earwax, but more like a nice smooth beer...that was a nice change.
Moral of the story is..I like to chill, and I never do cause people are all wound up and always gotta be on the run. I don't get it. I just want to sit back and relax for a few hours. Stop being such an adult, we're young! Geeze!
Peace out
When she asked me, for like a quarter of a second, I was hesitant. This is just my lazy ass self not wanting to leave my house. I'm always complaining I don't go anywhere, have nothing to do, then when something presents itself I say no. So I ignored the hesitation and went. I like saying yes to Amandas plans for a few reasons...: One: She always says yes to me. Two: No matter where we go its just a fun, chill time. None of this pretensious 'lets imitate the was people on tv go out' bullshit. We just ARE. Not trying to be, which is cool. She always kinda remind sme who I am and that sometimes it okay to just relax and reflect.
You know, sometimes it's good to just talk about yourself? Yaya, I know it seems concieted or whatever, be you just gotta do it! You have to talk about yourself aloud or else you may forget who you are...right? Ya, well thats what I think.
Anyways, so we went to kelseys and got some Coronas and desert. TOday corona didn't taste so much like earwax, but more like a nice smooth beer...that was a nice change.
Moral of the story is..I like to chill, and I never do cause people are all wound up and always gotta be on the run. I don't get it. I just want to sit back and relax for a few hours. Stop being such an adult, we're young! Geeze!
Peace out
26.7.09
If there's love, I just want to have something to do with it. I am SERIOUSLY starting to doubt its existence...Who SAYS it exists? Those who are in it? What makes that credible? What if it's just a big hoax and you can't be on the fun side until they call your number? Think about it...if it DID exist why are people spending their lives looking for it, then when they find it they cheat, or fall out of it...it isn't anything solid...it's an idea, a whim, a wish. But a lot of people wish for things they know full well do not exist...like a working cup made out of mesh.
Son's Gonna Rise.
I was supposed to be a boy. "Nicolas". <---That was my name. (Ew, I know.)
My room was blue, my clothing was blue and for some reason I can't figure out, my favourite colour is blue. Is this by default? Because it's what I was raised in and, afraid to venture off, decided to stay in?
Anyways, I was raised to play sports and to run, which I've managed to escape now that I'm older.
I was a big tomboy for the first half of my life, dressed in t-shirts and jeans, which I've swapped in for frilly dresses and ridiculous heels.
I was raised to protect, which is still a big part of my life.
I was raised to be the son. And though I've run away from many of the things that classified me as such, I remain the son.
But, the son has risen. Just as the sun always does. I have risen to be a better and stronger daughter. An independant. A lover. A seeker. A beauty. And Fearless (as one must be when they are a protector). The son has risen to bring night to daylight, and I will brighten your world.
My room was blue, my clothing was blue and for some reason I can't figure out, my favourite colour is blue. Is this by default? Because it's what I was raised in and, afraid to venture off, decided to stay in?
Anyways, I was raised to play sports and to run, which I've managed to escape now that I'm older.
I was a big tomboy for the first half of my life, dressed in t-shirts and jeans, which I've swapped in for frilly dresses and ridiculous heels.
I was raised to protect, which is still a big part of my life.
I was raised to be the son. And though I've run away from many of the things that classified me as such, I remain the son.
But, the son has risen. Just as the sun always does. I have risen to be a better and stronger daughter. An independant. A lover. A seeker. A beauty. And Fearless (as one must be when they are a protector). The son has risen to bring night to daylight, and I will brighten your world.
Drinking Alone
Drinking alone...is this a 'normal' thing to do? I find it (almost) enjoyable. I say almost because, obviously, your drinking alone because you are alone(shh)..which is really not that fun. But, at the same time, you're alone(yay!). This enables you to enjoy the true benifits of drinking...well light drinking atleast. Heavy drinking is best with company, it opens your mind and you mouth...making you want everyone to know EVERYTHING! But alone and lightly it allows you to access the thoughts you've hidden from youself...ponder without borders...ya it is a little sad, but really, who cares? Hey! no ones watching! You're ALONE! Thats the beauty of it all!
Right now I sit at my desk in my newly cleaned room after rejecting three invites to go out (even though I really wanted to go out!). I decided tonight would be the perfect night to write my book, you know..emotions raw, life going downwards...everything is the same as it never was, so why not write about it right? But alas, as you can tell, this brilliant book writing idea never came to pass...instead I grabbed two coolers, a bottle of wine and martini glass (because it IS the coolest glass to drink out of, right?), and I sit here writing a blog I have long forgotten about. It's safe to say that I am slightly intoxiacted (but I hardly notice it myself), yes, I have had to get up several times to dance to Citizen Cope's- let the drummer kick (which i insist on playing repeatedly). And, yes, my face has started to go a little numb (is that normal btw?). BUT! What's important is that I'm here, I'm enjoying myself, I'm focused and I'm writing! Which is what this whole night is supposed to be about anyways, right? Right.
Good for you Artizia. Good for you :)
Right now I sit at my desk in my newly cleaned room after rejecting three invites to go out (even though I really wanted to go out!). I decided tonight would be the perfect night to write my book, you know..emotions raw, life going downwards...everything is the same as it never was, so why not write about it right? But alas, as you can tell, this brilliant book writing idea never came to pass...instead I grabbed two coolers, a bottle of wine and martini glass (because it IS the coolest glass to drink out of, right?), and I sit here writing a blog I have long forgotten about. It's safe to say that I am slightly intoxiacted (but I hardly notice it myself), yes, I have had to get up several times to dance to Citizen Cope's- let the drummer kick (which i insist on playing repeatedly). And, yes, my face has started to go a little numb (is that normal btw?). BUT! What's important is that I'm here, I'm enjoying myself, I'm focused and I'm writing! Which is what this whole night is supposed to be about anyways, right? Right.
Good for you Artizia. Good for you :)
5.5.09
Ponderings of the First Day/Question: Why do people always wait for tomorrow?
Hmm, well today is my first day blogging. I've wanted to start one of these for a while now, but never really had anything to write about...But then I realized, if you wait for something to happen in order to make something else to happen...well, nothing is EVER going to happen..you know? So I figured I'd start this blog as the first step in living out my new moto...If not today, then why ever?...Doesn't really have a ring to it, I know. But I like it and it can force me to do things that I've always been afraid to do. And I know if you say it to others it will put a spark in them to take a chance too....why waste today? QUESTION: Why do people always wait for tomorrow? Have you noticed that when you're challenged with something that you'll put it off until 'tomorrow'? I think it's our first instinct when we're afraid of failure or rejection. When are you going to tell your friend that you're in love with him? Tomorrow. When are you going to go get your lisence? Tomorrow. Or even something as simple as when are you going to get back in shape?...But what if there was no tomorrow? What if you only had today and you were wasting it away. So often we don't realize how important it is to do things on a whim. All our lives we were told to wait it out, sleep on it, think about it...But why? I know people always told me that, but look at how much they've accomplished...Why would I follow the advice of someone who wasn't living out their dreams? Someone who has more than one regret everyday for things they SHOULD have done? As I grow older I find myself thinking WHY NOT TODAY?? Why do I have to wait? I have so many regrets when it comes to relationships, jobs and other opportunities...because I was told, or decided my self, to wait for the 'right time'... When is the right time? Just because we're scared of that moment doesn't mean that it isn't then..does it? I don't think so...I think when it's suggested that maybe it isn't the right time we are so quick to believe it because we want a reason not to go for it. But shouldn't it be our fear of not getting what we want be what governs when we do things? Not our fear of rejection or failure?
When I reflect back to things I've done and failed at and things I haven't done, I find more regret in the later...do you? For example...I recently auditioned for a part that I knew would be super hard to get and was really scared because people told me that the director was a jerk and wouldn't hire any first years because it was a professional production. But I forced myself to do it...and i had a blast! The director was really nice, I got to get some feedback and I learned soooo much! No, I didn't get the part...I didn't even get a callback...but that experience helped me learn a lot about myself and what I needed to work on that I can prepare myself better for future auditions. I failed, but I have no regrets. :)
When I reflect back to things I've done and failed at and things I haven't done, I find more regret in the later...do you? For example...I recently auditioned for a part that I knew would be super hard to get and was really scared because people told me that the director was a jerk and wouldn't hire any first years because it was a professional production. But I forced myself to do it...and i had a blast! The director was really nice, I got to get some feedback and I learned soooo much! No, I didn't get the part...I didn't even get a callback...but that experience helped me learn a lot about myself and what I needed to work on that I can prepare myself better for future auditions. I failed, but I have no regrets. :)
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